I’m a Domestic Feminist

I’m a Domestic Feminist


I’m a huge fan of The Handmaid’s Tale and recently I’ve been told my ideals resemble that of Serena Joy. If you haven’t seen the show, I’ll do a quick synopsis. Serena Joy is the wife of a powerful leader. Prior to this new world, she was a speaker and author, concerned about the nations fertility crisis, encouraging women to fulfill their God-given role.


Usually, people call me this as a derogatory term but I actually take it as a compliment for a few reasons.

First and foremost I’m a Christian. As a follower of Jesus, it’s imperative I pay attention to what He is laying out for me. I don’t think the Bible leaves a ton of room for interpretation in this vicinity.

From the beginning, we have Adam and Eve. Eve is created from Adam. She’s a part of him. After some major disobedience, God lays out the order of authority.

Genesis 3:16 says, “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

Call me crazy but that’s pretty literal. I don’t see a ton of wiggle room here. In Ephesians 5:22, Paul tells us “wives submit to your own husbands.”

He has the final say 

Normally, this is where feminists throw their hands in the air and cry injustice. What they fail to do is read the rest of the chapter. 

Paul goes on to say that as wives submit to their husbands, husbands must submit to God. In Ephesians 5:25, Paul says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” The point is that we both must sacrifice and love unconditionally.

That’s exactly how my husband and I function. This isn’t our first marriage and that’s no secret but it is the first time we’ve entered the marriage covenant with God at the forefront.

Yes, I am submissive to my husband in every sense of the word. When it comes to big decisions, he makes them. He has the final say.

Now that’s not to say I don’t have an opinion and that my husband doesn’t seriously consider it. I will say 90% of the time, we end up going with whatever it was my opinion was but it’s because we’ve become one flesh and share incredibly similar feelings, values, etc. we ensured we were on the same page before entering a sacred covenant. After all, the scriptures say we are one flesh now (Ephesians 5:31).

I have no problem speaking out about this topic. I know the idea of submission is still taboo, even for Christians. The world has created a perversion of God’s design for marriage. As a word nerd, y’all know I had to look up the meaning of submission as used during biblical times.

According to the Google Machine, submission as an archaic term is defined as, “humility; meekness.” Call me crazy but I live by those characteristics. It’s one thing my husband loves about me. I know exactly when to inject my opinion and when to let him take his God-given reigns.

So here’s what I believe based on scripture.

  • Women are to submit to their husbands and he is to love her the way Christ loves His people (Ephesians 5)
  • Women are blessed to be mothers. I never realized how sacred this was until I had children. My boys will almost always ask for their mama first. (Psalm 127:3)
  • There’s a serious attack on what God has planned for us. 2 Timothy 3:1-7 says, “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth.” If y’all cannot see that happening, it’s time to open your eyes. People are lovers of themselves. The world is trying to convince women that being a mother is nothing special and abortions are a viable form of birth control.

As we get closer to the end times, it’s my mission as a Christian to share what God placed on my heart and what the scriptures tell us. This is a matter of eternal salvation.

So if you’d like to label me a Serena Joy, Tomi Lahren, or Kellyanne Conway, I’m okay with that.

Now I want to hear from you. Be sure to leave me a comment on this topic. 

Keep Jesus in Easter

Keep Jesus in Easter

While shopping today for cute little eggs for my sons’ classrooms egg hunt, I told my husband, we needed plastic eggs so I can do my lesson on Jesus.


When I told him my plan, he laughed at me. I asked if I was “extra” and he replied with a “no, you’re just a caring mama.”


It’s imperative to my husband and I that we teach our boys that Easter is not about bunnies and eggs but about Jesus, the Atonement and a God who loves us.

Wyatt sure does love his eggs but come Sunday it'll be all about Jesus

So, let’s talk about the meaning of Easter and how we’re teaching our boys about Jesus this season.

 Easter is the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The resurrection is the fulfillment of a prophecy in Isaiah 53.

Easter follows 40 days of Lent, which we celebrated here. Lent is a time for repentance and really understanding what God wants from us. We used this time to get realigned with God’s plan for our life and boy has a lot been revealed to us this season. Stay tuned for the many life changes.

Mommy and Daddy visiting Oliver during his Easter party & keeping the focus on Jesus

With the focus being about Jesus this season, I put together a simple way we’re teaching our boys about Jesus this week.

All Lent season, our boys have been enjoying movies from PureFlix, a Christian version of Netflix. They offer tons of movies about Jesus and the Easter season that focus exactly on what we should be celebrating.

On Resurrection Day or Easter Sunday, we’ll be at Church of course but before Church, the boys have an egg hunt. Now, the eggs are filled with something special to cover Holy Week.

Here’s a breakdown of the scriptures we’ll be using and what goes inside each egg.

Egg 1: Cotton ball dipped in perfume for when Mary washed Jesus’ feet with perfume. John 12:3

Egg 2: Coins to symbolize when Judas sold out Jesus. Matthew 26: 14-15

Egg 3: Purple cloth for when the guards mocked Jesus. Matthew 27:28

Egg 4: Thorns from our flowers for when a crown of thorns was placed on Jesus’ head. John 19:2

Egg 5: Leather shoelace for when Jesus was beaten. Mark 15:15

Egg 6: A cross for when Jesus was forced to carry his own cross. John 19:17

Egg 7: Nail for when Jesus was nailed to the cross. John 19:18, 37

Egg 8: Dice for the soldiers who gambled to determine who would get Jesus’ clothes. Matthew 27: 35-37

Egg 9: Toothpick for the spear used to pierce Jesus’ side. John 19:33-34

Egg 10: Linen or gauze for when Jesus was wrapped in clean linen before being placed in the tomb. Matthew 27: 57-61

Egg 11: A rock for the stone was that placed in front of Jesus’ tomb that was rolled away by an angel. Matthew 28:2

Egg 12: is empty because the tomb was empty! Matthew 28:5-6

After the boys complete their egg hunt, we’ll go over what is in each egg in order and explain what happened to Jesus and what He did for us. 

See it’s not hard to make Jesus the focus of the weekend because, without Him, we’d have no reason to celebrate.

If you’ve been looking for a Christian community, let’s hangout. My husband and I both run online ministries and I have a community of Christian women sharing, loving and learning together. 

I have an eating disorder

I have an eating disorder

I don’t love my body. At all.

Despite how many times my husband says, “you’re beautiful.”

Despite the likes on Instagram.

Despite the friends that comment on my hair and my makeup.

I don’t love myself.

I don’t ever feel enough.

Let’s go back to the start.

My eating disorder hates the body I'm in now but let's be honest, it hates every stage

Middle School 

I was always an active person. I cheered and danced every single day of the week. I was always doing something.

I loved what I did. Heck, if I hadn’t torn my rotator cuff I would still be coaching gymnastics every night of the week.

It was my life.

And in order to be in those sports, you need to be fit.

Have you ever tried holding a person who weighs the same thing as you above your head for a few minutes in one routine and then practicing that cheerleading routine for hours a day? It’s not an easy task but I loved it.

When I was in the eighth grade, I had all the normal body issues girls went through but I took it to an extreme.

See, I wasn’t always this outspoken person. I used to keep myself small and quiet.

Because there was so much chaos around me and things beyond my control, I looked to the thing I could control. My size.

So I skipped breakfast. No one thought anything about it. I would run out the door and skip breakfast.

Then I would skip lunch. I skipped lunch religiously.

And then would head to my own practice and off to coach cheerleading practice for two other teams. Practice 3-8ish every single night.

I’d come home, eat dinner and go on my merry way, knowing I was doing everything I could to maintain control.

Then, my best friend’s Aunt made a phone call. She called my mom and told her I wasn’t eating at school and she was concerned.

Since no one addressed my issue, things only got worse.

Right after high school graduation. I was under 115 and felt disgusting because my eating disorder didn't think I was small enough

High School

In high school, I was small. I was a sophomore in high school and still wearing pants from Limited Too Inc. which is made for little girls, not teenage girls.

I was on birth control because I had severe PMDD and any woman can tell you about the weight gain when you introduce birth control into your life. Well, that was not an option for me.

When I spent six weeks at DuPont’s Children’s Hospital for migraines, they gave me two medication options.

Option A: would make me gain weight and my birth control would no longer be effective.

Option B: would worsen my eating disorder and my birth control would still work

Clearly, I picked Option B because frankly, I loved my issue. It kept me thin. In control. Desirable. I didn’t know how to function without it.

I was back to coaching cheerleading and teaching dance while working hard at my own practices.

I went on a Devil Wears Prada diet before she mentioned it. I was eating crackers at lunch and calling it a day basically. I was burning over 1500 calories a day but taking in a few hundred calories max.

Then I fainted at school.

The nurse called my mother and said, “I think Ashley has an eating disorder and needs help.”

Instead, I was met with commentary about wearing a bikini at 104 pounds. I was told that I clearly couldn’t have an eating disorder due to my size. My mother said to the nurse, “look at her, she definitely does not have an eating disorder.” 

I remember going prom dress shopping and leaving the stores hysterical because I was “too fat” for the prom.

I felt disgusting. I still feel disgusting. 

Since no one addressed the issue, I continued to let it fester.

College Years

In college, I lived on alcohol basically to cope with all the issues and lead with my body. It was the thing I was in control of.

When things felt out of control, it was easier to just binge and throw up. I lived with a lot of girls so it was harder to pretend I wasn’t eating so instead we’d get drunk, I’d eat and then throw up.

I did things like binge eat, do cocaine and original Four Lokos so I had no choice but to get sick or die. Do not recommend this

I saw a therapist and all they did was prescribe anti-depressants, which my mom then told me I didn’t need. So, I ditched them.

Gave up on therapy.

Just sort of decided this was going to exist in my life, always.

After college, I took a different approach to control.

I still partied hard but I was eating.

Instead, I was working out obsessively.

I was still coaching cheerleading and gymnastics seven days a week but I added the actual gym to my routine.

I was hitting the gym 2+ hours a day six to seven days a week.

I was in control still.

Not seeking any help because I felt like no one wanted to help me and at this point, we were approaching a decade and an issue with my body and food became a norm.

So, you’re probably wondering where I’m at now at almost 30.

15 plus years later and we’re in the same boat. I’m going up the same stream in the same boat with the same tools.

After getting married the first time, depression seemed to consume me. Outwardly I was projecting happiness but internally I was suffering. We never had money to do anything due to another addiction in the household so I learned a new problem. I just ate whatever without regard for myself.

Now, I’m happily married to my perfect and patient husband and the same issues are ever present.

We started going to the gym together and I was struggling. He works out like a normal, healthy person. I do not.

One night I went alone and he had to force me to come home. I had been gone for two-ish hours and had no plans of leaving. My bad shoulder was screaming but I didn’t care.

Even today, he caught me doing shady things when it comes to my body.

I talked to a beach body coach and told her about my issues because whoever works with me needs to know I can go 0 to 100 really fast. He caught me pretending it was no big deal. That my issues aren’t a problem. He said something to me that sparked this post.

He asked, “when is it enough? When are you going to be skinny enough?”

To be honest, it won’t ever be enough for me.

I won’t ever feel like it’s enough.

I won’t ever feel good enough.

At least, not in the future, I can see.

I can’t tell you what the answer is. I can’t tell you how I’m going to fix it because I don’t know how.

I’m not sure what the next step is or how to approach it.

Maybe telling the world is step one.

Admitting it’s an issue is the first step, I guess.

What can I say is that whenever someone mentions weight in general, I get triggered. I can say that without knowing it a person’s commentary has sent me into the deepest pit of myself where only self-loathing and hate live.

What I can say is be careful with your words. You never know a person’s struggle.


If you or someone you know is struggling, please seek help. Don’t delay. I promise life is not supposed to be lived like this. 

God’s Calling For Our Lives

God’s Calling For Our Lives

Thankfully my husband is home with me full time and so thankful that means I get to run all my ideas by him whenever they come up. Before becoming a mama, I ran online Bible studies and they were awesome (other people’s words, not mine). I felt so alive and it never felt like work.

But then I got sick and they had to stop and then being a mom just took over. 

But I’ve felt so called to run them again but wasn’t sure what that looked like anymore.

So I talked to my husband.

I told him I was feeling so called to work in ministry again but wasn’t sure. I didn’t know if that’s really what I’m supposed to do and how were we going to make it work. Since we live on my business income alone, I keep making money. 

Being the leader my husband is, he told me to just trust God. To really pray about it.


God's calling for our family  is ministry. What is is yours?

So I did and boy did God answer me.

Here’s what happened in the last week.

I was scrolling through some scriptures to find something for my husband and I came across good ole 2 Timothy.

One particular verse stood way out to me.

2 Timothy 4:5 New International Version (NIV)

But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.



Well oh okay then God. Heard you.

I looked at Glenn and said, “okay clearly this is what He wants me to do.”

But God never tells us something just once when it’s what we’re meant to do.

We go to church on Sunday and Matt Hearn was speaking about patience and finding hope.

When he quotes this scripture.


Habakkuk 2:2 New International Version (NIV)

Then the Lord replied:

“Write down the revelation
    and make it plain on tablets
    so that a herald may run with it.



 I hear You loud and clear!

 Run a ministry and share the gospel. Got it.

 But alas, not the last thing God shares with me.

Sunday night Glenn and I turn on Steven Furtick and his February series.

He starts out this new series on what our calling is and how do we know if something is from God. 

Furtick then says during his sermon something along the lines of “you may be running a business now but all God wants is all of you.”

Talk about hitting me right in the chest.


Glenn looks at me and says, “babe, I think God’s speaking directly to you.”


It doesn’t stop there.


Monday, my long-time childhood friend calls to ask about Church things and says, “I basically consider you the prophet because you speak so much life and truth into people.”


I cannot deny what I’ve been told.


I cannot pretend this isn’t my calling anymore.


The adversary wants me to keep second guessing myself so I don’t continue to share the Gospel and all the revelations I’ve had.


With that being said, I’m so excited about this adventure. It means more Bible studies. Glenn and I mapped out studies that go until Easter 2020!


He’s also launching his ministry for men!


It’s an exciting time in the Price household because God has never been clearer than He is right now about our path.


I’m so thankful to have been blessed with a husband who not only supports my journey but is right there alongside me, encouraging me, keeping me accountable and growing in Christ with me.


I hope you’ll join this journey with us.

I can give you a sneak peek of the studies to come!

  •  Parenting with Grace and Temperance 
  • Parenting as a team (doing this with Glenn’s group) 
  • The Road to Christmas 
  • Marriage in God’s Design (before Valentine’s Day) 
  • 40 Days of Faith and Realignment 

I know we’re on an awesome journey here and doing exactly what God wants us to do. I cannot wait to see what this brings to us and to you.


Be sure to comment below with what it is God’s called you to do and/or how you discovered God’s purpose for you! Cannot wait to see what God’s calling for you is.





Stop Saying “Faith It Until You Make It’ Because It’s False Doctrine

Stop Saying “Faith It Until You Make It’ Because It’s False Doctrine

Raise your hand if you’ve heard the phrase, “faith it until you make it.” I’m betting you raised your hand because it’s an entirely all too common phrase amongst Christians. 

I’ve seen countless sermons, t-shirts, blog posts, etc. all encouraging Christians to just faith it until you make it and I’ll be incredibly honest, I have a huge problem with that for more reasons than I can count. But I’m going to try to tell you why this statement is false doctrine and why it’s time to ditch it from your list of advice. 

Before you leave, I get it. It sounds good.  I understand why we sometimes use this phrase. It’s better than “fake it until you make it,” right? Not really. Not in my world. The surface level concept seems great for many Christians because it implies we have faith. It says God has our six. The problem is that the faith is fleeting. The problem is that the faith only exists until you make it. 

Right now, my church, Gateway, is in the middle of a series called “True-ish” and we’re dispelling common phrases and ideologies that Christians hold but aren’t actually rooted in the Bible. Sunday’s sermon was about the idea that God will never give you more than you can handle, which is not true at all. We see people all over the Bible being given more than they can handle but there is always a purpose. Last week, it was about how many believe God helps those who help themselves which again, is false. We’re supposed to minister to those who cannot help themselves. Since we’ve been in this series, I’ve been thinking so much about this statement, “faith it until you make it,” and it’s been on my blog posts to write list (yes, I have one) for an entire year now. I look at this topic every single week and couldn’t figure out why it hasn’t been written until now. So let’s dive in. 

The word “you”

This is one part of this phrase I have a massive issue with. It says to faith it until you make it and in my opinion,  you didn’t make it. I don’t care how successful you are, you didn’t make it. God made it. God put you in the position you are in and can just as quickly take that away.

Job 1:21 says, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” NIV

You are not the one responsible for being on the mountain. God gives and he can take.

The thing is we do not know God’s plan for our lives and the lives of those around us. As He is the one in control of the plan, it is irresponsible to assume we know better than God and have ourselves alone created success.

Continuing in Job 42:2-3, “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. / You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge? Surely. I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.” NIV

Job is letting us know that God’s plans are far greater than we can see and to assume we know the plan is foolish.

In Psalm 10:4 it says, “in his pride, the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God.” NIV

This is the way I view that phrase. When we put the “you” as the forefront we forget about what God has done for us. I personally, don’t want to be counted among the wicked.

Isiah 26:3-4 says, “Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal. / He humbles those who dwell on high, he lays the lofty city low; he levels it to the ground and casts it down to dust.” NIV

When we place ourselves as the One on High, God humbles us whether we like it or not. We have no control over it. When we act as if we have created our success on our own, God reminds us who is in control. He is always the one calling the shots. He’s always the one determining what is part of the plan and what isn’t.  

The word “until” 

This goes back to what I said earlier about the faith being fleeting. 

I always think about the Israelites when I think about fleeting faith when they escaped slavery in Egypt. Their faith was ever fleeting. They doubted Moses and God more than they trusted. They murmured. They were unappreciative of the things given to them by the One who delivered them from bondage and slavery.

Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” NIV

Let me reiterate that. Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 

The definition of faith is being confident in the things we hope for and trusting God in what we cannot see. 

Y’all, we cannot see His plan so we need to have assurance in it. We need to have faith. 

Faith is not a fleeting moment. Faith is not something you decide to have when it’s convenient for you. You either trust His plan and have faith it in it always or your faith is conditional and you have faith until you’re on the mountain.

We see this time and time again in the scriptures. People are given a gift by God, they rise and live on top and begin to think it is them that got them there alone. Pride gets in their way and God brings them down to a valley. In that valley, they turn back toward to God. 

This isn’t to say we won’t have moments of doubt. 

They will come. They are natural. 

But it is up to us to not just have faith “until” but to nurture that faith. 

Romans 10:17 says, “Consequently., faith comes from hearing the message and the message is heard through the word about Christ.” NIV 

Faith comes by immersing ourselves continually. Even in moments of doubt. Even in moments of fear. 

David in Psalm 56:3-4 says, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. / In God, whose word I praise – in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” NIV 

If we can learn anything from David and Paul it’s that faith is not an until thing. It’s a process. It’s something we must work on daily. It’s something that must consume us. It’s something that isn’t going away anytime soon. 

Even in my moments of doubting churches, I never doubted God. I knew He had a plan for me and I’d end up where I was supposed to be. 

There is no making it

Hear me out. We can never really make it. Making it to me is perfection and that’s something we cannot achieve.

If we could, there would be no need for a Savior. We will always be striving to make it.

The phrase “faith it until you make it,” is used for temporal things but spiritually we’ve never made it.

We will always be striving to be more Christ-like and for that reason, we’ve never truly made it.

To put so much emphasis on the tangible is doing a disservice to God. There’s so much left to strive for.


Next time you’re struggling or someone you know is struggling, don’t tell them to “faith it until they make it”, simply tell them to have faith. Have trust. Know God loves you and has your back. Know that God has a plan for your life. Know that God is working through you, even in the valley. Know you’re never going through it alone. Know that you have a Savior who knows exactly what you are experiencing and He is there for you. He is there to fill in the gaps for when you are weak, He is strong.

My Fertility Struggle

My Fertility Struggle

I’ve talked about this a time or two before but never in this depth. I have major fertility struggles. 

Everyone who knows me, knows I love kids. I have volunteered my entire life to help kids in whatever capacity I can. My whole life I just knew I was going to be a mom. It’s just who I am. 

Throughout my college years, I had a few miscarriages but thought nothing of it really. I wasn’t ready to be a mom then and just assumed that because of my party girl lifestyle I was causing it. Never once did I consider that I had fertility problems. 

After I got married the first time in my early 20’s, we reached a point about a year in where we thought we’d like to have a baby. Knowing I had miscarried before, I became obsessive over ovulation. 

Well, I was 25 and so naturally I got pregnant right away. The positive test came on a Friday and by Tuesday I was miscarrying again. I was devastated. That’s when I decided I needed help. 

I took two very different approaches to solve the mystery. 



The Science Route

First, I called a doctor. I went to see a top Reproductive Endocrinologist and Infertility Specialist Dr. Barnhart was amazing. He got me in right away and spent hours with me. He ran blood tests, genetic tests, the freaking works. We waited until my next cycle came to town to do a Sonohysterogram. I won’t lie, it’s awful. When a male doctor says it’s going to feel like your worst menstrual cramps, know he has no clue and it’s worse. 


So what did Br. Barnhart find? Nothing. Minus a few 1 in a billion chance of my child having a genetic abnormality, there is nothing wrong with me. My uterus, and forgive the TMI, is textbook. His words, not mine. 

The Faith Route

At the time, I was a practicing member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As an LDS member, we had a few things coming up that I knew would offer some guidance. 

First, I could go get my patriarchal blessing. This is a once in a lifetime blessing you get and it offers some major life advice for you. They are deeply personal and private. Well each region has one patriarch so the wait time can be long. I called ours and he said “for some reason I need to see you this week,” and the appointment was set. 

Well my Patriarch said a lot of things that brought me comfort. Even now, as a non-member, I still find truth in that blessing. There was a lot in there. 


The Faith Route Continued

During that week, we also had our semi-annual General Conference where Church leaders share wisdom. I swear, if you go with a question, it will be answered. 

Well, my questions were naturally around fertility. 

That whole conference there were countless talks about being a parent and more specifically a mother. 

Women spoke about how much they struggled with fertility, how they had to adopt, resort to  medical professionals, 


I can honestly say I thank God for the miscarriages during that marriage. 

With this knowledge that there was nothing medically wrong with me and hearing from inspired leaders that fertility issues are okay and that God is still on your side, I pressed forward. 

Flash forward and it did not work out with my now ex-husband and I am forever thankful that we did not have a child in that marriage. I can honestly say I thank God for the miscarriages during that marriage.

Well, here we are in 2019 and I’m now married to a man I know is capable of fathering children. He, of course, knew about my fertility struggles before we tied the knot. When we had two faint positive tests this past month, I was elated. Maybe this time we would be okay. Maybe this time it would hold. 

For the first time in my life,  my partner was excited. He was grinning ear to ear. He was talking to our baby and telling them to be strong. We picked names. 

I thought, “maybe I can get excited this time. Maybe this is the time I don’t struggle.”

But a part of me knew to keep my guard up. Not get too excited. Wait another 5 ish weeks to get excited. Keep it from the kids. Keep it from the people in our lives. Just five more weeks and we can tell the world. 

This past Sunday, we were at Church together and a series was wrapping up. Sam, our Pastor, was speaking about Joseph from Genesis and how he lived his life knowing God was on his side. Through all of the struggles, he lived knowing God has his six. I thought to myself, “what a beautiful message. Am I living like God is on my side?” 

We left Church and I was feeling good about that sermon. We stopped by the store because the hubs wanted some soup and I needed a few more ingredients to make the soup he wanted. While there, I got this pain. A pain I knew too well. I looked at him and said, “I’m bleeding.” 

We got home and my worst fears were confirmed. Just four weeks away from being able to share with the world. Four weeks from peace. 

Crushed is an understatement. 

When you’ve miscarried as many times as I have,  it’s hard to have faith. But my ever faithful husband reminded me that God is on our side. 

Sometimes I get resentful. I won’t lie. Sometimes it’s hard to be excited when your friend is having a baby shower. Even harder when a friend tells you about their abortion. I want to be supportive but it’s hard. 

But we still have two beautiful little boys who call us Mama and Daddy. 

While miscarrying again is heartbreaking, I have to live knowing God is on my side through it all and that’s what keeps me sane. That’s what keeps me going. 

If you’re struggling with fertility, know you aren’t alone. Know that God has your back. It’s all part of a bigger plan we can’t see. While it may not make sense now, it may make sense later. Maybe we’ll never know why but He does. He knows why and that’s good enough for me.