The concept that I submit to my husband is going to cause some people to immediately hate this article before reading it. I will lose people. People will be shocked. Appalled. Angry. All without ever reading what I have to say because the word “submit” is dirty and taboo for them.
I can understand that. To the world, submission is a weak trait. It makes someone less then. I remember a few years ago when Candace Cameron Bure said she was submissive to her husband, the world was in arms. While I’m no Candace, I expect similar reactions in my own little bubble and I’m okay with that.
If you’ve continued to read then I’m betting you’re curious about what this looks like. If I do a quick Urban Dictionary search on what submission means to most of the world, it isn’t good. You can also check out the definition of being submissive from Dictionary.com.
But like Bure, I’m not using a Biblical definition. This is a conversation I’ve had with so many friends. It’s not a secret that this is not my first marriage nor is it his. So what makes this marriage different? God. Knowing our God-given design and purpose.
So many when I tell them I’m submissive to my husband are shocked. “How can you be submissive and run a company?” I get asked all the time.
Because in my company, I’m the one in charge. Yes, my husband works with me but in our work, that is my domain. Just like in our marriage, it is his domain. He makes the final say. He makes the judgment calls.
What does the Bible say about submission?
In Genesis 3:16, after Adam and Eve eat the forbidden fruit, it says, “Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you.”
Later, Paul tells us in Colossians 3:18-19, “Wives, submit yourselves to your husband as is fitting in the Lord. / Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”
Peter describing Jesus’ sacrifice goes on to say, “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, / when they see the purity and reverence of your lives” (1 Peter 3:1-3). He continues on by saying, “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers” (1 Peter 3:7).
Finally, Ephesians 5 explains the Christian Household. It includes submitting to your husband and he submits to the Lord. Husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loves the Church.
By Biblical standards, it’s a relationship of mutual respect and love.
As a Christian woman, I had to get my girl power attitude in check. I’m sorry but it’s not possible for two heads of household. We don’t have two presidents. If we did, there would be chaos. God is not a God of chaos.
There’s a President and the Vice President. I’m the Vice President of the Price House.
What does this look like exactly for our marriage?
It’s simple really. We discuss EVERYTHING. There’s nothing off limits in our marriage. There can’t be. How can I expect my husband to fulfill his God-given role in our marriage, if I’m not completely honest with my feelings and beliefs? I can’t.
Holding back simply won’t work. Everything is up for discussion. Now, I’m a Jersey girl and y’all know we have a reputation for our loud opinions. My husband and I wouldn’t work if he didn’t value that I have a brain and am capable of thinking for myself. Every decision is up for discussion amongst the two of us and he listens carefully and considers my opinion when he makes the final call.
This isn’t limited to big life choices either. I’m the queen of indecisiveness when I go out to eat. I NEVER know what I want. He knows the things I like to eat so at a restaurant unless I specifically ask for something, he simply orders for me. It takes the pressure off of me. I don’t have to think about trivial things like what to eat for dinner. I’m busy thinking about raising the kids, the company and graduate school. Worrying about steak or chicken is not a concern for me.
At a time when divorce rates are so high, and having been divorced myself, I can promise you this is easier. It’s much more harmonious. Things flow a lot easier. We very rarely fight.
Just because I am the submissive one in our relationship, it doesn’t make me weaker or have less value. We are equal in value but differ in purpose. Knowing which area is mine to call the shots and which is his plays to our strengths that God gave each of us and allows us to have a marriage without contention. We know where God asks us to have dominion.
We focus on understanding each other. We focus on God first and the more we focus on God as a couple, the stronger we get. The stronger our marriage, the better we can model for our boys. The better parents we can be. We’re better community members and church members.
We’re better together for it.
So tell me in the comments about your relationship. What works for you? What isn’t? How can I support you? I’ll see you in the comments.