Reasons Not To Be A SAHM
& Ways to Combat Those Objections
The world is going to tell you a million reasons to not be a stay at home mom. They all sound good too. They could even dissuade you from staying home with your littles.
That’s the world’s ultimate goal.
The adversary, who runs this world (John 14:30), is very aware of the power of family and the role of the mama so he has worked diligently to ensure you never want to be home with your family.
Even now, during this time of forced family bonding, my newsfeed is flooded with women complaining about staying home with their kids and husband. Not the way God intended for this world to be.
My ultimate goal is that you will want to stay home and be active in the lives of your loved ones AND find joy in it.
Here are some of the top objections I hear from women and their spouses about staying home.
The truth is, you probably can afford it. When we think about the cost of childcare and groceries, it really adds up. There has to be a mindset shift here. Instead of thinking to yourself, “I need all these things to be happy and fulfilled,” ask yourself what truly matters. Do you need to spend $200 at the hair salon? Is a mani-pedi a necessity. Be brutally honest with yourself.
Make a list of all the necessary expenses and then look at your husband’s take home pay. Does it cover all the bills and allow you some room for savings? If the answer is yes, you can afford to stay home.
If the answer is no, what are ways you can cut down. Buying meat is an expensive endeavor usually so could you do a meatless Monday or maybe buy a whole cow for the year? Yes, that is a thing and typically saves you a fortune. When you buy a whole cow, you typically get about 350 pounds of beef. Depending on how much you pay for the cow, you can do a pound of beef for just $4. That includes things like steaks, brisket, etc.
So really breakdown what is needed and what isn’t when doing the math. Check out this living wage calculator to help you determine the needs.
I cannot afford it
You’re betraying the women’s movement before you
I hear this one all the time. Women feel like they’ve let the women before them down by “setting.”
The truth is, you aren’t settling.
The suffrage movement was about the right to vote but it held so much more weight. Women were home all the time and that left a lot of time to volunteer. Women could spend their time in temperance leagues, religious movements, moral reform, and anti-slavery organizations. Women were incredibly prominent in these movements because they had the time to be.
Imagine the impact you could have globally if you weren’t at work. This isn’t just about punching a time clock and collecting a paycheck. Your time spent at home could be used for real change and activism in whatever area you deem appropriate.
Staying home will make me miserable
I also hear this one all the time. I used to wonder if I’d be happy staying home because I was so accustomed to the rat race of corporate America. I wondered if I’d be challenged enough.
Once I found joy in the mundane, it changed my whole world. I now can see my dishes as service to the family and to God.
Plus, I have the added benefit now of homeschooling. We sleep in. We go to the park in the middle of the day. We watch movies. We bake together. I get to watch my children make new discoveries and learn something new every single day.
Is there really anything better than that?
Also, our feelings are fleeting. Feelings change overtime. When you met your husband you didn’t feel about him the way you do today. Your feelings changed.
Your feelings about staying home will also change. As long as you are committed to making it work for your family, I promise you need not fear your feelings.
My education is a waste
Ah yes, another common objection I hear from women. I got this a lot from my own family and friends. I have four degrees and they think I am wasting my time, energy, efforts and diplomas by raising our kids.
My question to you is this. Is the purpose of your education just to get a job? Most people don’t even use their degree in their job. So if you don’t consider that a waste, then you can’t consider staying home a waste.
The thing is, your degree can be used in so many ways. Maybe you have a degree in engineering and your child has a love of engineering. Maybe your church could use help in marketing. There’s so many ways to give back with the skills you have acquired. Don’t ever think of your education as a waste.
Your child won’t respect your work
You’re right. Your six-year-old won’t respect you doing the dishes and probably won’t always see the value in it.
You know when they’ll appreciate it? When they hit adulthood. They’ll be thankful they had a mom who was there ensuring their game-day jersey was always ready to go and they had a hot meal on the table every single night.
As young children, they won’t understand that what you do is work and it’s important but I promise you, they will get there.
I won’t feel good being around my kids all the time
This is a valid concern. It can be hard to be with the people we love 24/7. I know because I’m doing it right now. The truth is, you can get a break. Just because you stay home doesn’t mean you’re forced to spend every single moment with your kids.
Have you heard of date night? Girls night? Trips to grocery store alone? All things you can have.
The truth is you probably feel that way because you’ve been giving your family your leftovers. Your 9-5 is getting the best of you and the kids and hubs get a stressed out, overworked, overtired woman at the end of the day.
You’ll feel differently once you’re home and not dealing with corporate pressures.
A traditional marriage isn’t what I signed up for
The idea of slipping into a “traditional” or “biblical” marriage can cause a lot of stress for women who grew up with this “Girl Boss” and heavy female empowerment messaging. We’ve been bombarded with the notion that anything traditional is oppressive when it’s quite the opposite.
I feel freer in my marriage. My husband and I are great at communication. We rely on each other for different things and it makes us appreciate each other even more. I can tell you since our kids came home and I really took on the role as homemaker, our marriage has drastically improved, even though it was awesome beforehand.
He doesn’t come home from work stressed. I have dinner ready. I’ve taken care of the errands. He can just relax and bond with the kiddos after work.
When you show up in your marriage in a biblical way, God moves mountains. I promise.
While there are a dozen reasons you can articulate about why staying home isn’t the right call, I promise that since it is God’s design to focus on the family first, it is possible despite any objections you may have.